(WAY) OVER 40 AND FABULOUS
GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I haven’t written in ages. Somedays I try but feel like I’ve almost forgotten how. Lately though, I’m feeling some new-found determination to get myself back in the game of life (at least where writing is concerned). I sat the bench for a minute. I’ve needed a breather – some much-needed downtime. And while my body has been having quite the restful few months, my mind seems to be at racing levels. Nothing that some Wellbutrin hasn’t helped, truth be told. But fellow over-thinkers, isn’t it exhausting?! The past year or so has been quite an interesting one for me personally. Maybe some of you can relate to what I’m about to attempt to describe.
Total chaos and confusion.
Yep. That about sums it up.
I feel like for the majority of my life, traumas included, I’ve had a pretty good grasp on my surroundings, my mission, my spirituality, my purpose, my facial elasticity, and my health (both physical and mental). But for about a good year now, so many of those things seem questionable. So many things are changing and I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t even told!! And that is why I’m here today – to shed some light on the dark places of what we like to call MIDLIFE.
People always prepare you for all the crap you can easily figure out in life – how to boil water when you get married, how to save money, how to burp a baby, what to do when you start your period…
But where were all the women shouting from the rooftops preparing me for when my jowls and neck started sagging?
When my testosterone tanked…
When my son left home…
When I experienced job burn-out…
When I needed to set boundaries…
When I lost grown-up friendships…
When I lost my hair…
When I lost my mind and my bandwidth…
Why did no one tell me that one day I would start missing periods and not know month-to-month if I’m pregnant or in menopause?
Maybe you were there.
Maybe all the videos I needed were on that thing called TikTok and all the books were on my Audible app.
Maybe I never wanted to know.
Maybe I thought I was invincible and that age and hormones and a lack of mental fortitude wouldn’t get to me.
I was wrong.
Finding my place as a mid-40’s woman has been a challenge. I’ve been thinking all these years that I was 32, but I looked at some photos I had taken last week and thought, “Who is THAT 48 year old lady?” If I’m being completely honest, the boat started rocking for me when my oldest left home a few years ago. It’s been a slow spiral ever since. It seems like hormonal imbalance, empty nest syndrome, questioning my religion and not knowing my purpose in life has been that toxic cocktail of change I never wanted to try.
It seemed to have all hit at once – that Mac truck of change, nay, instability.
The tears, the rage…the tears.
Are you still here? Is just reading this giving you anxiety?
Tell me you get it, women over 40…
I think I hit a point where I just got tired. I’ve needed my Granny but in 2019 she left this earth on a high note – happy as a clam, drinking coffee in a hospital room that she thought was her house. Luckily, she left behind her own writings where she poured out her middle-aged heart on paper about her own troubles and anxiety as she aged. She was not exempt. None of us are.
I guess I’m finally just coming to terms with the fact that life ain’t easy – that seasons change.
Elasticity changes.
Jobs change.
Hormones change.
Friendships change.
Minds change.
I guess these transitions are inevitable.
I guess I’m finally coming to terms with it …CHANGE.
The fact that I poured my life into my kids and now they don’t need me like they used to.
I poured myself into my comedy but I’m ready to do something different for awhile.
I guess I’m finding that I don’t have the answers or the control (or the collagen) that I used to.
I’m finding that the God I serve isn’t nearly as scary or concerned with my perfection as I once thought He was – that He’s much more concerned with how I love and treat people and much less about my stake-in-the-ground, die-on-a-hill religious dogmas and opinions.
Midlife can be hard, but not admitting I’m in it has been harder. Acknowledgment brings some relief. Leaning back and going with the flow, admitting that I’m in a strange new season is honest and brave and maybe that’s what I want all the “younguns” to know…
When it’s your turn, relax. (I wish I would’ve done it sooner.)
When you get here, be all here.
Reinvent yourself.
Change careers.
Change churches.
Change your style.
Rock that paper-thin skin.
Be open to new friendships.
Set boundaries.
Cut your hair.
Date the young guy 😉
Get divorced.
Get remarried.
….OR DON’T
Cry until you laugh because your hormones are raging like you’re 13 again.
Don’t be ashamed to take medication.
Know that your grown kids still love you and that the fact that they don’t need you like they used to means you raised capable human beings. Well done, you!
Take the trips.
Make the move.
Change your mind.
Love yourself.
Be happy.
And know this – not having all the answers IS the answer.
Enjoy the change and roll with the punches.
Midlife is not a crisis.
It’s clarification.
It’s a clearing – a removal of “old” things to make way for the new.
Mid-life is liberation and license to live.
Deliverance but without the banjos.
A field with no fence.
It’s privilege. Independence. Spontaneity.
Exoneration. Because nobody gets away with saying and doing what they want quite like a woman over 40.